Sister Margie Lavonis, CSC

  • Hello college, goodbye Church? We hope not …

    For some students, going away to college is often viewed as a chance to be liberated from their parents and the restrictions of family life. One such parental rule that is exercised in many Catholic homes is the one about Mass attendance. I can still hear my own father and mother saying to us when we would rather stay in bed on a Sunday morning, “As long as you live in this house you will go to Mass.” Does this sound familiar?

    Aside from the natural tendency many young people have to rebel against authority, living away from home, especially for the first time, presents many challenges. It can be difficult to live the faith without good support systems. In most cases we learn about our faith from our parents, teachers and other mentors. College is a prime time for a young person to begin to mature in and really own his or her faith. Attendance at Mass and practicing the faith becomes a personal responsibility. No parent or authority figure is around to make one go to church. It becomes a personal decision.

    Sometimes I have heard students and other young adults declare, “I didn’t ask to be a Catholic. My parents made that decision for me. I was just a baby and not able to choose my own religion.” That is true for those of us baptized as infants, but the fact still remains that we received the gift of faith through our parents and one of the tasks of young adulthood is to own that faith and mature in it. We are part of the Church whether we chose it or not.

    College is a special time for intellectual growth and that should include growth in knowledge and appreciation of our Catholic faith. When I was a campus minister at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor we had a course every semester entitled “Catholic Update.” The pastor always gave a plug about the program at the end of Masses the previous couple of weekends before the first session. He would challenge the people, particularly the students, by saying it seemed strange to him that so many of them were working on degrees in higher learning while they often had little more than an eighth-grade education in their faith. That statement really made an impact, and we always had large classes of students sincerely seeking to know and understand more about the riches of Catholicism.

    Some students have a great need to explore different faith traditions during their college years. However, it is important to include the Catholic Church in that exploration. Sadly enough some people abandon their faith without ever actually knowing what the Church really teaches and why.

    As many will discover, it is when one is away from his or her support systems that he or she needs the Church even more. And not only does the Church provide a haven during college days, it often provides a chance to discover and exercise one’s gifts. Many students who get involved in campus ministry or at Newman Centers (Student Parishes) discover leadership abilities that they often use throughout their lives.

    My advice to college students who are serious about their faith and relationship with God — or want to be — is to try some of the following suggestions: First of all, find someone to go to Mass with you. Most young adults hesitate to go to a Mass on their own. It is a lot different not being connected to a family or with familiar people at Sunday Mass. Establish a group of “Church friends.” Students have told me that they met some of their dearest friends while they were involved in campus ministry or at the Newman Center of their university, and often their spouses.

    Second, sign up for at least one activity that campus ministry or the center provides. Get involved in a liturgical ministry. Join a faith sharing or Scripture group. Sign up for a retreat.

    If you are a commuter student who does not live on a campus or goes to a school that does not have its own Catholic Center, find a parish where you can get involved. Talk to the pastor about opportunities to connect and use your abilities there. Find some other students who are also interested. Start your own sharing or service group!

    Find a mentor or a spiritual companion, with whom you can express your doubts, fears, concerns, questions, etc., about the Church. This can be a priest, religious brother or sister or any good Catholic that you trust and admire. It is not good to go it alone when you are searching. A wise, listening ear is often a big help in times of confusion. Also, a friend like this can also help you grow in your faith.

    Last, but certainly not least, take a little time to pray each day. Give Jesus some of your quality time, even if it is only five or 10 minutes a day. Share your joys and concerns. Deepen your relationship with Him and ask Him to help your faith grow. When it comes right down to it, it is your friendship and faithfulness to Him that will sustain you throughout college and your entire life. The Church is here to support us in our efforts to be disciples.

    Posted on August 24, 2010, to:

  • The hungers of life

    Most of us think of food in connection with the concept of hunger. There are times when our stomachs growl and all we can seem to think about is supper or a trip to the closest McDonald’s or Taco Bell. My friends often joke that they can tell I am hungry when I start reading all the names the restaurants we pass when we are driving somewhere.
    It is true we have all been hungry for food at some time or another but eating does not satisfy all our hungers. We also have spiritual hungers that need to be satisfied if we are to become mature adults.

    In the Lord’s Prayer, the Our Father, we ask God to give us this day our daily bread. Jesus was not talking about food but about satisfying the spiritual hungers or desires that every human being experiences in life.

    One deep spiritual hunger or desire of every person is to believe that life is meaningful and has a purpose. It is that deep longing inside that cannot be fully satisfied with material goods, possessions or superficial relationships. How sad for those whose need for meaning in their lives is never met, who never discover God’s love or who try to find happiness by acquiring more and more money or possessions. Even sadder are the people who think life is over at death, or the ones who commit suicide because they believe there is nothing to live for in life.

    Another hunger all people long for is community. None of us are meant to be alone. We need others to help us become who God wants us to be. Human growth and maturity happens in an atmosphere of belonging and acceptance. We see this in the Church also.

    Contrary to what some individualists may preach, it is impossible to be a Christian alone. That is a contradiction because the very nature of being a Christian is to be part of the community we call Church. When we are baptized, we are baptized into the Body of Christ. A person’s faith cannot grow without the support of other believers. That is why the Church does not baptize infants if the parents are not practicing Catholics. There would be no Christian community to nurture the child’s faith.

    Every person also hungers to be listened to and to be really heard. We all have a need to share ourselves with others who will listen. When someone really hears what we say and takes us seriously we are affirmed. When we sense we are not heard we can feel discounted or that our words and even ourselves do not matter.

    On the other side, we, too, must learn how to be good listeners so we can help satisfy this hunger of others. It is a skill that is sorely needed in our world today and there are unfortunately too few people who really know how to listen. As a result, many will pay for this service.

    Prayer can also help alleviate this hunger to be listened to. Christians believe in a personal God who is involved in each person’s life. We believe God cares about each of us individually and listens to us and knows the desires of our hearts.

    Each person also longs to be appreciated and loved. Almost every day we see what happens when people have not experienced real love in their lives. Often they are the ones who get into trouble or cause harm to others. Many have difficulty loving others because they never experienced love in their own lives. Often those deprived of love cease to love themselves and suffer from a low self-esteem.

    As Christians who are called to love, we have the responsibility to help satisfy this deep hunger that we all share. More love should be in the world because Christians exist. Christ’s mission was to reveal God’s love and he also gave that command to us. A helpful exercise each night before we sleep is to ask ourselves if there was a little more love in the world that day because of our actions. It is a good way to reflect upon how well we are living our baptismal call.

    Lastly, we all hunger for acceptance. It is a wonderful gift when we are really accepted for who we are and not for what we do. We all need to matter to someone. People who are not accepted by others suffer a great deal. Maybe we have had the experience of not being invited to a school party or to a office function or know others who seem alone and always on the fringes — the ones who never seem to “fit in.” Perhaps we could be more mindful of these people and reach out to include them once in awhile in our lives.
    At times it is helpful to look at our lives and reflect upon our own hungers that need to be satisfied and discover the deepest longing of our heart right now. Let us go to God and ask for the daily bread we need and how we can share our bread with others.

    Posted on May 18, 2010, to:

  • How are you being called?

    Many years ago, the Sisters of Mercy used the question “Do you have a call waiting?” as a theme for a marketing campaign to recruit members for their religious congregation. I think it is a good title for this column during January when the Church in the United States celebrates vocation awareness.

    The fact of the matter is that each of us has a “call waiting” that only we can answer. One of the major tasks of young adulthood is to discover God’s call in our lives. It is not as easy as answering a phone call from God. (He doesn’t use a cell phone). It takes hard work. We must make time for prayer, reflection and serious discernment.
    In my campus and young adult ministry and also when I did vocation ministry for my community, the Sisters of the Holy Cross, I was often asked how a person discovers God’s will and plan for his or her life.

    First and foremost, it is important to remember that God calls everyone. Each of us received the most important call of all when we were Baptized. In that primary sacrament of our faith, we became members of Christ’s body, the Church. Every baptized person is called to help build the reign of God in this world. It is not just the role of religious brothers and sisters or those who are ordained. Through the Sacrament of Baptism we all share in the priesthood of Jesus Christ and are given the mission to reveal God’s love to the whole world. Our challenge is to discern how God wants us to do this.

    The majority of the Baptized live their Christian call as married people, but some are called by God to live the single, ordained or consecrated life as a religious brother, sister or priest. Most people discover their call by listening to the deepest desire of their hearts. Some have a strong feeling within that they are called to share life with one special person and to raise a family in the Sacrament of Marriage. Others have a passion to give their entire lives to the Lord through prayer, community and service to the people of God.

    It is important to listen to the many ways God calls us. We do this by taking time for quiet, reflective prayer and by seriously considering what others say to us about our lives. One needs to take seriously questions or statements like, “Did you ever think of being a priest, a sister, a brother?” or “You would make a wonderful mother or father.” When I was in high school one of my teachers, a Sister of the Holy Cross, asked me what my plans were after graduation and said she thought I should consider religious life. At first it was a shock but then I began to seriously reflect upon that possibility, and here I am many years later.

    Discernment of God’s will is not easy because we are usually choosing between two or more good options. It would be much easier if one were good and the other bad. For instance, valuing marriage and loving children doesn’t automatically eliminate the possibility of religious life or priesthood. The ministers of God’s Church must be warm and loving as was Jesus.

    A good way to start is, after praying about the pros and cons of each option, to listen to the way you are drawn. Tune in to what feels right and gives you a feeling of peace. I remember one of my professors, a wonderful priest I had in graduate school at Boston College. He taught that the deepest desire of our hearts is usually God’s will for our lives.

    Recently I watched a DVD about community life and the presenter said it another way. She said the key to discovering one’s vocation in life is to discern which lifestyle would be the best for me to become happy, healthy and holy. To be happy really means having inner joy and loving my life (most of the time). A healthy life is one that enables me to use my gifts and grow into the person God wants me to be. A holy life is one that gives God central place in my life. I have a desire to grow in relationship with Him.

    Let us pray that we will strive to be holy, happy and healthy witnesses of God’s unquenchable love as we renew or strive to discover God’s particular call for our lives.

    Posted on April 20, 2010, to:

  • Recognizing Jesus

    The story of the disciples on the road to Emmaus that we read during the Easter season is one of my favorites. I often wonder if I would have recognized the Lord walking the path with me. Hopefully I would but, like the disciples, I may have not.

    During the Sundays after Easter the Scripture readings tell of several appearances Jesus made to the disciples after His Resurrection and how the faith of His followers (like Thomas) was challenged and deepened.

    Today the resurrected Jesus is all around us in our daily lives. He is present in the persons we encounter. It is up to us to recognize Him.

    Usually it is not too hard to see Christ in those we like and who attract us. We can easily recognize Him in those kind, compassionate, likable people who touch our lives. It is more difficult to see the Lord in the less attractive or unpleasant people we meet. Many times we consciously or unconsciously ignore Christ’s presence in the street people, in the addicted and those who don’t live up to how we think a “good” person should act.

    A still vivid example in my life happened recently. I was with a group of very good, wonderful Catholics and a poor person who had one too many drinks wandered into the room where we were meeting. It was a cold, bitter night and he was obviously walking. He asked for some directions to where he could get a newspaper to check out the job openings. After we sent him back in the cold, several people made jokes and other not so kind remarks about him. I still feel bad that I did not do something concrete for him. Ironically, the talk that night was about Jesus’ unconditional love for each person. Somehow we seemed to forget that his love included that man as well.

    In the Gospel of Matthew Jesus preaches about the last judgment when He tells us that whatever we do for the least of our brothers and sisters we do for Him. And it works the other way too. When we ignore any of our brothers and sisters, we also ignore Him.

    When I drive around the city and see people with signs that read, “Will work for food,” I feel very guilty when I don’t stop or try to help them. It is so easy to be swayed by those who say things like, “There are a lot of con artists out there,” or “It is too dangerous, you may get robbed or hurt.” I can rationalize, but down deep it causes a dilemma for me and I can just hear the words of the Lord saying, “I was hungry and you did not feed Me.”

    Recognizing Jesus in the poor and needy is crucial, but we are also challenged to see Him in the people in our everyday lives; in the fellow student it seems nobody likes; in the coworker who never stops complaining; or in the neighbor who keeps loud music on late into the night.

    It seems to me that a good practice during this Easter season is to try to really see Jesus in those we encounter and to treat everyone with the same respect we would give Jesus if we saw Him in person, and remind ourselves that Christ loves them just as much as He loves us. Imagine what the world would be like if each one of us would really do this?

    Posted on March 30, 2010, to:

  • What spirit do you project?

    A hymn we sing at Mass has a refrain that goes something like this, “You are the light of the world. Let your light shine before all, that they may see the good that you do and give glory to God.” It is a good exercise to periodically reflect on if and how our life does or does not bring light to our little corner of the world.

    A light bearer tries to be positive most of the time. Those whose light is usually dim seem to find fault with just about everything. They tend to put stumbling blocks in front of new ideas. Make a suggestion and they will find reasons why your idea probably won’t work or it was tried before and wasn’t effective.

    Another way one can contribute to the darkness of the world is by gossip and destructive criticism of others and by habitual complaining about people and situations. If you say it’s a beautiful day, they will let you know that the forecast calls for snow or rain; or if you congratulate him or her for some accomplishment, the person will give you all the reasons why it really wasn’t that great and point out all the mistakes.

    A spirit of negativity and pessimism drags others down. Those who know people who tend to be this way often dread seeing them come into the room or may avoid speaking to them. I know people in my own community that I try not to sit with at meals. All they seem to talk about is all that is wrong with the world.

    On the other hand, those who bear light tend to look for the good in others and in the events of life. They strive to be hope-filled, rather than hopeless. Their positive spirit lifts others up. Their presence brightens up the atmosphere. They are positive and it is a blessing to be around them. Their behavior speaks of God’s love.

    To be a bearer of Christ’s light and hope does not mean denying the reality of our broken and troubled world. It is the deep conviction that, despite the darkness we see all around the world, God is somewhere in it all. It is believing that God can and does bring good out of suffering and hope out of despair.

    A light-bearer is confident in God’s faithful love. He or she knows that God loves all that he created and cares about each and every one of us. Those with a positive spirit look at a glass of water and see it half full, while the negative person views it as half empty.

    I believe people can learn to be positive and cultivate a spirit of light. One way to develop this attitude is to try to look for the good in each person and situation, even when it might be difficult. Refraining from judging others and learning to give people the benefit of the doubt are other ways.

    Another exercise all of us can do each evening is write down up to 10 positive things that happened to us personally or to someone else that day. This might be difficult at first, but eventually we will see more and more good in others and in the events of our daily lives.

    As Christians we are called to be the light of the world, to be bearers of God’s love; and true love builds up.

    Posted on March 16, 2010, to: