Theresa A. Thomas

  • Learning to make things happen

    I really, really want a set of encyclopedias! I thought this over and over as we were about to embark on homeschooling. It was the beginning of summer and we’d start homeschooling in the fall. I was trying to pull everything together. This was in the mid-1990s, before Internet, and I desperately and specifically wanted a World Book Encyclopedia set for my five children, aged 7 and under.

    When I checked out the prices on a new set I was flabbergasted. The regular edition (maroon cover) exceeded $600. The deluxe hunter green with gold binding was more than $800. That was at least eight weeks worth of groceries. There was no way we could afford that!

    Shortly afterwards, I was at a dinner party with some colleagues of my husband and their wives. I began chatting with Norma, a school teacher. I was lamenting the cost of the reference books and she gave me an idea.

    “You know, I earned a set way back when,” she shared. “I don’t know if World Book still does it that way, but if you sold a certain number of sets you used to be able to earn one for yourself. I might still have the phone number somewhere of a district representative.”

    That’s all I needed to hear. The next day Norma provided me with the number, and I found out that yes indeed the program was still in place. My mother volunteered to watch my little ones while I signed on to go door to door.

    I got a selling kit, and familiarized myself with the product. I came up with a note card system to keep track of people I contacted, new leads and potential buyers. I padded out in the morning, waving goodbye to my little ones, which I hated to do. I forced myself to leave them playing with Grandma, telling myself it was hopefully just for a few weeks in the summer and reminding myself that this time with Grandma was quality time. Mom encouraged me each step of the way.
    At the end of four weeks, I received a phone call.

    “Theresa, you are the top salesperson in the district for July. You have earned the hunter green, gold bound set of encyclopedias, a little cash bonus and a halogen light as a prize.” It was the voice of the World Book district manager, the lady in charge. She paused and then asked me, “Would you consider continuing to sell for us?”

    “Oh thank you!” I exclaimed, imagining the beautiful hard bound set on our den shelves. I could hardly contain my excitement. And then I quickly added, “No thank you!” to the thought of continuing to sell. I am positive I sounded too enthusiastic about that. I couldn’t turn in my sales material fast enough.

    I was so proud when the encyclopedias were delivered to our home. The kids and I tore open the box and sat on the sofa right then and there, smelling the pages and looking things up. When the halogen light appeared on my doorstep a few days later, I excitedly presented it to my husband.

    You might think this is a recollection about perseverance, of putting one’s mind to something and going out and getting it. Moms will do things they don’t particularly like to do if it means their families will benefit. That’s true. But this story is also about more than that. I pursued this idea on the suggestion of another. And, if you look back carefully you will see the words above, “mom volunteered,” “she encouraged.” It’s almost like a little afterthought to notice and acknowledge her involvement, but she was actually the adhesive for my whole encyclopedia-selling project. Like the stitching on a dress, her help was critical although perhaps not initially fully noticed. Without her participation, this simply would not have happened.

    As I look back carefully, I see the common thread of her gift of time sewn throughout my life, a phone call here to give encouragement — an offer there to help me catch up on laundry — a book found just for me that she thought was relevant. “Go take a walk. I’ll hold the baby.” “Go take a nap. I’ve got it covered.” Her handiwork is most noticed through the eyes of retrospection. And less so yet still there is the gentle prodding and help of others — a suggestion that inspires, an opportunity given. If the first lesson is “persevere,” the second lesson is certainly “appreciate the hand others give so you can succeed.” When we receive we can learn to provide, and that’s the best way to make things happen.

    Posted on July 27, 2010, to:

  • The secret of silence

    Do you want to reduce the amount of times you lose your temper with your kids? Do you want to create more satisfying, relaxed and lighthearted conversations with your spouse? Do you want to be able to hear and thus follow God’s personal direction for your life? Do you want to be happier, more peaceful? Then quarantine yourself from the world for a little bit each day and rediscover the value of silence.

    Silence helps us regroup. Rethink. Reconsider. Take a mini-vacation, if only in our own minds. It helps us to practice patience and think before we speak. It helps us keep our focus and better handle the daily drip, drip, drip of challenges and hectic thoughts that are inevitable in modern living.

    Often, in our busy lives of working, raising children, striving to be good wives and husbands, mothers and fathers, daughters and sons, sisters and brothers and friends, we find ourselves simply moving from one task to the next. We are very good at “doing” but maybe not so good at just “being,” and this shows up in our relationships with others. We’re short. Curt. Frazzled. We don’t mean to be, but it’s the modus operandi and result of busyness and a hurried, harried life. We can’t help the over-stimulation that assaults our senses, but we can determine that we can still have peace. Silence every day is the answer.

    God rarely speaks to people audibly like He did to Moses, but He speaks all the time to every one of us, quietly, gently. We have to have silence to hear Him. An amazing amount of creative ideas flow through our minds daily, but we have to have silence to notice those ideas or they are just like buzzing insects swarming around our brains. There is an array of astounding beauty in the simple world of our own neighborhood, our own family, our own home, but we need silence to see it.

    Silence calms the soul. It is the blank page we need ultimately not just for peace but to create great works of art, and song and beautiful daily living.

    Silence allows the mind to empty, to release troubles and concerns and discover solutions to problems. If it is important to fill our minds with good and holy thoughts and ideas — and it is — it is equally important to have room for them. Room is created by silence.

    Children need this silence too, although they may not know it. It’s important to show them the calming fruitfulness of silence so they will make it part of their daily life as they grow up and leave our care.

    I have learned many things from my mother, but one especially important gem is to provide quiet in the middle of the day for everyone. Babies nap during the day. Toddlers might too. But in our house, the period after lunch was and is a time for “quiet.” Toddlers through teens can nap, or read, or draw, or simply sit quietly and think. Everyone comes from this more relaxed and refreshed. I will also tell you too, lest you think our home is always the pinnacle of monastery-like tranquility, that there are some hectic days when loudness looms and a flurry of conversations and activities threaten my mood and peace, and I run to the nearest bathroom, yes bathroom, to grab the only silence I can find. We often have to seek silence because it will generally not impose itself on us.

    While silence is something we usually must seek, sometimes it is forced upon us. This past week a storm ravaged through South Bend. It left many in the area, including us, without electricity or water for four days. The lack of water required us to haul in water from outside sources for each flush of the toilet and hand washing. This was challenging. However, a neat thing happened with this experience too. Additional peace presented itself.

    One evening my husband set up a lantern on the back patio, along with a few citronella candles, and while our daughter read nearby, my husband and I conversed softly amidst the backdrop of … nothing. It was quite renewing.

    If you carve time out for silence every day, I’m not saying you will never lose your temper again, or that you will immediately know God’s will for your life. However, I do guarantee that when you commit to finding some quiet every day, your life will improve, because silence is the beginning of finding peace, finding purpose and ultimately finding God.

    Posted on June 29, 2010, to:

  • Press on!

    Every ironing mama knows that her best thoughts come while doing that task. Whether it’s the perfect retort to an earlier slight, an inspiration about home organization or a book she’s been tossing around in her head, thoughts flow when the steam blows through the iron. For me, it’s gotten to the point where I don’t even iron without first grabbing a pencil and piece of paper to jot down ideas.

    When I iron, thoughts spew like a Mt. Vesuvius eruption. First the stressful thoughts manifest themselves — I have to grade the girls’ schoolwork. Have I signed up my son for that next SAT? Did I send in the payment for ballet? What’s for dinner and do I have the ingredients in my fridge? Will I have time to stop at the grocery store before picking up my daughter? Is there even gas in the van?

    I could go on and on, but most busy moms can fill in the blanks themselves because the ideas are basically the same. Press, press. Fold, fold. Hang, hang. Jot, jot. After those thoughts are released from the brain, the more philosophical musings begin to flow. Hmm, I’ll ponder, why is it that right when you figure out one child’s development challenge, it’s over and another begins? Why does time go so slowly when you’re a young but speed like a bullet once you’ve reached middle-age? How can God always eternally have been? I just don’t get that. Hmmm …

    When I’m ironing, grand plans enter my mind. You know, I think to myself, I could clean out the boys’ room, paint the old furniture a navy blue and maybe find some nautical hardware to replace the ugly, dull handles. Or, I’ll muse, I could organize a cookbook project at the high school with the proceeds to benefit the scholarship fund. It would be divided according to sport, with entries like Champion Chile in the football section. I wonder how many recipes would be necessary to make it profitable.

    Most recently my grand plans have included writing an inspirational book about families who have homeschooled their children. There would be lots of stories. They would be funny, touching and all true. Maybe these would motivate people to keep going and press on when life gets difficult. These ideas are many, and my follow-up is generally not consistent, but sometimes I do accomplish something from these thoughts — the book idea, for example.

    What I like about ironing is that I’m accomplishing something physical, while my mind is free. I do admit to burning the inside of my arm when I was particularly caught up in some thought, but usually I emerge from ironing with no injuries, just freshly pressed, neat clothes, great ideas, resolve and a more organized mind.
    Some women have given up ironing completely. I would never! I need this thinking time to, well, blow off steam. When I’m stressed, there’s something soothing about conquering wrinkles. When life seems spinning out of control, I know I’m in charge when I wield the iron. I’m in command of each arm sleeve, each hem of a skirt. When I say “enough is enough,” it is! I can make any skirt stand stiff or decide I’m done. No explanations are necessary. I like that.

    Perhaps the greatest benefit I have found of ironing, though, is that it offers me a chance to talk to God specifically and regularly about each person in my family. Once I have gotten past the eruptive thoughts, the philosophical musings and the grand plans, I settle into a peace, of sorts. I pray. As I reach in the basket for an article of clean, wrinkled clothing I immediately think of the person I love who wears it. “This is Matthew’s. Oh God, bless him during this stressful junior year. Help him to feel Your presence as he prepares for finals. Help him make a good college choice.”

    The shirt is hung, and I reach for another — this time my husband’s shirt. I pause and close my eyes. “God bless this man I love. He carries such a heavy burden supporting us financially and spiritually during these tough economic and moral times.”

    My mom ironed T-shirts. Her mom ironed pillowcases and underwear. I don’t go that far. But I do like to iron, and I like the thoughts and inspirations that come with it. In earlier years I never would have thought that ironing would help me be organized or improve my prayer life, but it does. Press on!

    Posted on June 8, 2010, to:

  • Improve your prayer life today

    A friend of mine confided that she started saying a daily rosary after her son graduated from college and moved 2,000 miles away. Another friend told me she started praying a daily Memorare and started going more frequently to Adoration after her son was diagnosed with a life-threatening condition. Another mom was motivated to pray deeply and strongly when her high school aged children started driving to school 15 miles away each morning. Still another mom found her prayer life jump-started with a health scare with her one-year-old daughter.

    We’ve all done it — been scared into contact with God. Whether we’ve uttered a quick, “Please God, no” or “Help me!” or “Be with my kids!” pleading, most of us can relate to turning to God when things are scary and somehow just not right.

    The truth is, suffering and pain can help us turn to God in ways that nothing else can, and while God does not seek to frighten or hurt us, He can and does use these opportunities to draw us to Him.

    There’s nothing wrong with turning to God when things go wrong or are stressful, but a relationship based on that alone is immature, like a child who only runs to parents when the knee is skinned or he fears monsters under the bed. A true friendship and bond with God is formed when we turn to Him in good times too — to thank, adore, recognize and just be with. It is a give-and-take, an ebb-and-flow. A true friendship is borne in sharing good and bad, in maintaining regular contact, and demonstrating and receiving understanding and love.

    Holier souls than me start their day with Mass. This is, of course, the best possible scenario, as Mass is the most perfect of all prayers. But for many of us this is simply not possible every morning. I usually make breakfast and send off the high school kids, kiss my husband goodbye and then settle into my sofa, coffee mug in hand, to pray a rosary before the younger children arise.

    Some days I fly through the beads and immediately into deep mental prayer. Other days I struggle with concentrating on each word I say aloud, trying to recall the mystery for the day, waiting for that mental prayer to arrive. Sometimes it never does.

    I try to remind myself that the benefit of prayer is not tied to how I feel. Sometimes God grants consolations and insights to my soul. Other times I feel drier than tumbleweed in the Texas sun. It should only matter that I try to be open and put myself in the Lord’s presence, trusting that He will use the time I offer in ways He sees is best.

    I feel this simple, short prayer — which takes less than 15 minutes unless I go off on some thought or meditation — helps put me in the right frame of mind for the rest of the day.

    Frequenting the sacraments is the best way to enjoy a rich prayer life. Here are some tips for home prayer that can help as well:

    • Recognize that you will never find time to pray. You must MAKE time to pray. Study your daily rhythm and figure out when is best for you.
    • Find a quiet, relaxing place where you can focus on the mysteries of the rosary or let your mind wander into mental prayer. Choose a clean room where you’re not tempted to start working.
    • Keep your “equipment” nearby — your rosary, a book of novenas, a prayer journal to keep track of intentions, a crucifix and maybe some ice water, coffee or hot tea.  

    Author and philosopher Peter Kreeft says it’s impossible to pray without silence, solitude and slowing down. This is common sense, and yet so many of us have trouble experiencing those things in our lives. We’re so used to trying harder in our careers, being around others in our family and our workplace and working quickly and efficiently — even playing at a fast pace — that those qualifications for real deep prayer often elude us.

    Kreeft says that nature provides these things in plenty. That’s why walks are good for the soul and sitting on an empty beach can be cathartic in ways that nothing else can be. Try praying outside for a change of pace when the weather is nice.

    Our relationship with God can become a deep friendship, but we need to carve out that most precious of commodities — time — and offer that to Him. God won’t be outdone in generosity, and when we implement the tips above, prayer life will naturally become more fruitful.

    Posted on April 27, 2010, to:

  • Grow an Easter garden

    The joy of Easter will soon be ours. This is the perfect time of year to start an Easter garden. Gardening holds connotations of new life, and is a natural companion activity to celebrating the Easter season. Even if you’ve never held a hoe in your life before, you can successfully develop a green thumb and indulge yourself in this natural pleasure.

    The benefits will be evident in the beauty of your yard, on your dinner table through the summer, and if you branch out into canning, through the winter months too. Gardening can also be a spiritual, prayerful experience, and a way to really get in touch with God through His creation. Plus, you get to revert to being a child again and dig in dirt, which is probably something you couldn’t otherwise justifiably do.

    Last year our family embarked on our first real and extensive gardening project. We had tried growing vegetables and some hardware store-bought flowers here and there over the years, but had never really — dug in.

    However, last summer, my dear husband plowed out a large plot, enclosed it with a pretty white picket fence in front, and added an arbor, on which we eventually coaxed some blue and purple Morning Glories to climb. I don’t think doing this much nonessential preparation work was initially what he had in mind when I suggested we simply grow vegetables, but God bless my husband, he was a great sport in making my elaborate backyard vision. He even made a lovely pathway.  

    We added a statue of St. Francis and then ordered some heirloom seeds for vegetables and flowers. After that, our sunroom became a slow-growing, virtual jungle for a few weeks before transplanting was safe. The results were wonderful!

    Each of the children was assigned one section to weed, and we all took pleasure in walking through the garden on summer evenings, plucking ripe produce or just enjoying the flowers interspersed within.  

    Non-hybrid, heirloom seeds are a popular choice for gardeners, especially for those who want nature’s best benefits. Unlike hybrid, big seed company seeds, saved heirloom seeds can yield a harvest year after year. Most agree that heirloom seeds produce crops that are tastier and higher in nutrients, although not as uniform in color or shape as the grocery store cousins. Search the Internet for “heirloom seeds” to find suppliers, and be sure to include flowers. I love giant marigolds, which grew as tall as my 3 year old last year, and which were an effective and beautiful insect deterrent.

    So far, I’ve been describing a plain old garden. Now, here’s the Easter twist.

    Traditionally, an Easter garden, which can be large or small, has two main elements. It includes a mound of dirt with a small cross placed upon the mound. Some also add a woven ‘crown of thorns’ from bramble or bare, thorny vine. This, of course, reminds us of the death of Christ. The other element of an Easter Garden is the abundant flowers (and sometimes a homemade empty “tomb”) which appear on Easter Sunday. (You can put just a few representative flowers there on Easter and add more when the climate warms). This, of course stands for Christ’s Resurrection and the joy we experience because of it. You can creatively construct your Easter garden in a small area of where your regular garden will be, in your near-the-house landscaping or even in a little dish, open or ala terrarium style.

    Traditional Easter flowers include the lily, the primrose, and daffodil (narcissus) , which symbolizes new birth and which folk legend says bloomed the day of the Resurrection.  

    Some families add actual figurines to their small, in-home Easter garden during the Tridiuum. If you have trouble finding these commercially (or want to save a few dollars), your children can draw some figurines on cardboard, color them and cut them out. Cover them with clear plastic to make them durable if they’re going outdoors.  

    Some Catholics like to ask their parish priest to bless the plot that will become their garden and add a statue or two to help them pray. You can flip through magazines or surf the Internet to get inspiration for your garden project.
    So include a garden in your Easter plans this week. It can blossom into something you and your family will enjoy.
    Starting an Easter garden and continuing with a traditional one will provide your family with beauty and food, as well as the tools to grow spiritually, through Easter … and beyond.

    Posted on March 30, 2010, to: