Tim Prister

  • Trusting that God listens

    You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

    I must have heard that a dozen times in the last week as my brother recovers from surgery. And I’m sure each one of you has said it to someone who has encountered some physical ailment or mental anguish.

    It’s a wonderful thing to say and a well-intentioned gesture. In many instances, it’s about the only thing someone can say to the hurting or bereaved.

    That’s a lot of prayers being said for my family and me. It’s good to know. I’m not sure that I believe that all these prayers actually are being directed at us as often as it is articulated. But everyone appreciates the kind thoughts, and really, kind thoughts are their own kind of prayer.

    Do you ever wonder what impact someone else’s “thoughts and prayers” have on you or a loved one?

    Most of us probably think in terms of those thoughts and prayers leading to the outcome that we’re hoping for. You know, pray for the successful outcome of a surgery or ask for God’s intervention in a situation that could go either way. If the outcome is in our favor, then God answered the prayer.

    But as Msgr. Michael Heintz from St. Matthew Cathedral in South Bend pointed out in a recent exchange of ideas, “we have to get away from the idea that it’s a kind of negotiation — bargaining with God — like we really have anything that gives us leverage.”

    What if my prayer for dry weather so a charitable event can be successful is in direct opposition to the farmer who desperately needs the rain to save his crops? Who wins? Whom does God choose to favor?

    A couple of years ago, I sat down and began to make a list of people for whom to pray. I tried to include not only family and friends, but my so-called “enemies” too.
    I don’t really have enemies. You’ve got to be more important than I am to actually have enemies. Let’s just say there are a few people out there who don’t love me quite the way some do. They were put on the list.

    But like so many other well-intentioned thoughts/acts, I never quite finished the list, and I didn’t stick to the goal of having that list nearby at my desk so I could look at it, think briefly about a person in my life, and offer up a warm thought or prayer for that moment or day.

    I wish I would have finished that list and stuck to my intentions. I recently lost a friend who could have used more of my thoughts and prayers. Would we still have him today if I had actually included him on my list? Would he have found peace and comfort had just one additional person been praying for him?

    Prayer isn’t going to change God’s mind — as if He had the type of “mind” that could be changed. Rather, we express our desires to God in order to cooperate with Him in bringing about certain effects that He has ordained for our good.

    “Prayer is not so much about swaying God as it is placing us in a kind of deeper awareness of the relationship we have to Him,” said Msgr. Heintz. “In the end, what prayer changes most clearly is the person who prays.”

    By praying, we acknowledge that we cannot achieve things on our own. It is an act of humility on our part. We may grow frustrated at times because God doesn’t react to things on our time schedule. But the mere act of praying — for the person who is saying the prayer and for whom the prayer is intended — prepares all of us for the acceptance of God’s will.

    In the end, we don’t know what impact our prayers have — the human mind is not insightful enough to fully understand that — and that’s okay. But I do know this. I’m going to finish that list and I’m going to look at it and pray for at least a few of those folks every day, trusting that God is listening.

    Posted on May 25, 2010, to:

  • Change is good, but Kelly’s status quo is consistent success

    Notre Dame spring practice is in full swing, and the optimism over head coach Brian Kelly and what he brings to the football program hasn’t been this high since Lou Holtz took over for Gerry Faust following the 1985 season.

    That’s not to say that Kelly arrives at Notre Dame with the same résumé as Holtz’s. Holtz had taken programs at North Carolina State, Arkansas and Minnesota — schools from the ACC, the SEC and the Big Ten — and turned them into success stories. He then solidified his spot in the College Football Hall of Fame by going 100-30-2 with the Irish, which included the 1988 national championship. After a brief hiatus, he jumped back into the coaching business at South Carolina.

    For most Irish fans, the change from Charlie Weis to Kelly is a step in the right direction. Weis arrived in South Bend flashing his Super Bowl rings from his stint as offensive coordinator of the New England Patriots. But after winning 19 games in his first two seasons, Weis lost 21 times over his last three. He also may have set a record for most people offended in a five-year span.

    And so the mixture of losing and acerbic behavior led to change, which is always the buzzword when a head coach is replaced. Kelly changed the off-season conditioning program to prepare the Irish for the rigors of a no-huddle, spread offense. He changed the defensive alignment from a 4-3 to a 3-4. He changed a long-standing policy to incorporate a training table for the players to improve their nutritional habits. He went out into the community and made strong first impressions, particularly on the Notre Dame campus. He opened the doors of the football office and made it feel like a place where family and friends were welcome again. He even changed the way the players organized their lockers.

    Any time there is a coaching transition, the more the new coach changes, the better it is received. During a coaching transition, change is always considered an improvement because the end results from the previous regime were unsatisfactory.

    To be sure, changes within the Notre Dame football program were necessary. The most important adjustment started with the mindset of the players, which Kelly interpreted as one of entitlement and individualism.

    But more important than change with the arrival of the Kelly regime is the need for Kelly to follow form. You see, everywhere Kelly has gone, he has won. Every team he has touched has turned to gold.

    Kelly got his start as a head coach at Grand Valley State, a Division II school that could win 100 games in a row and most college football fans wouldn’t know it. He was 118-35-2 in 13 seasons, including 41-2 over the last three in which the Lakers won two Division II national titles and appeared in a third championship game.

    At Central Michigan, he took over a program that had lost 34 times in the four years prior to his arrival. By his third season in Mount Pleasant, the Chippewas won nine regular-season games. That landed him the job at Cincinnati, a program that hadn’t won more than eight games in a season during the decade. Kelly promptly won 34 times in the next three seasons, landing back-to-back BCS bids and nearly claiming a spot in the national championship game in ‘09 with a 12-0 regular-season mark.
    Simply put, the man wins. His career record as a head coach is 171-57-2.

    So while some changes were necessary for the Notre Dame program to improve from its 16-21 record over the previous three seasons, the key to Kelly’s tenure at Notre Dame is not change — at least not after the initial adjustments in the program — but for Kelly’s status quo to kick in. He is a proven winner on every level he has performed.

    But is he ready and prepared enough to win at Notre Dame?

    “I can tell you for sure I wouldn’t have been ready for it six years ago,” Kelly said. “Three years ago? I think I still needed some more BCS experience, if you will, from a recruiting standpoint.

    “But there’s no question that the three years at Cincinnati have put me in a position where now, as I sit here, I’m very confident that I have the background and the experience necessary to do the job at Notre Dame.”

    So you see, it isn’t so much that the Irish need to change to have success on the football field. It’s simply a matter of following the lead of its new head coach who has made a habit of winning the last two decades.

    Winning consistently at Notre Dame? Now that would be a change.

    Posted on April 14, 2010, to:

  • Age of communication starts with personal contact

    I’m old enough to remember party lines when a handful of people in the neighborhood had to share one common phone line.

    Baby boomers remember rotary dials, which are too much of an inconvenience and time drag in today’s punch-a-button world. Long distance calls no longer cost a fortune, which goes a long way toward explaining why one out of every three people you see walking down the street has a cell phone growing out of his ear.
    Is there a medical procedure to correct this malady?

    We’ve come a long way in the manner in which we communicate. In fact, with all the cell phone calls, e-mails and text messages sent, it would appear that our human interaction is at an all-time high.

    Is it really?

    We can say sending an e-mail or text message saves time, and that is true if the intended message is clearly understood. But it also depersonalizes the way we communicate. We end up having to send an additional e-mail or text because the interpretation of our message is lost in translation.

    Was he being serious or sarcastic, literal or facetious? I couldn’t tell because I didn’t actually hear the person speak or see the facial expressions. Voice intonation counts for a lot when it comes to communication.

    I spent two of the last four weeks in two of the most populated cities in the world — New York and Athens, Greece — and let me tell you, cell phones sprouting from the ears is growing in epidemic proportions in such places.
    Many people can be heard speaking on their cell phones, but I saw more people either listening to messages or reading text messages as they wandered out into the flow of traffic. The more advanced the BlackBerry or iPhone, the less words are actually spoken.

    We used to think someone speaking while walking alone down the street was a crazy person talking to himself. Then you see the Bluetooth headset and realize he/she is talking on the phone.

    I saw one man take a seat in a comfortable chair with the look of someone who was about to curl up to a good book. He then pulled out his iPhone, never said a single word, and stared intently at it for the next half hour with his fingers flying around the touch pad at a breakneck pace.

    We’re not speaking with one another; we’re speaking at one another.

    I guess it’s better than text messaging while driving, which I have to admit I have done on occasion. But I’m trying to cut back, just like I am on my caffeine intake. Both are a detriment to one’s health. It is better to see someone “talking to himself” in a car than it is texting. At least that person’s eyes are on the road, although his mind certainly isn’t on yielding the right of way.

    Isn’t technology wonderful? We can communicate anytime, anywhere with anyone for an incredibly affordable price. What once was a luxury has become a necessity. Do you know anyone without some type of cell phone? How did we live without the ability to communicate in an instant with our loved ones? How would I know that we needed a gallon of milk on my way home? I really don’t remember.

    We can pay bills from our cell phone, retrieve e-mails, set our DVRs and take pictures/video of the celebrity walking down the street.

    We are connected in ways we never could have imagined back in the party-line days. We can even look at and talk to the people we love 5,000 miles away. Remember when people used to say that it’s a small world? Well, it still isn’t small in size, but we’re an outstretched arm from one another technologically.

    That’s a good thing, right? The advancement of technology brings us closer together. It makes life more manageable, and weaves a common thread from Shanghai to Sherman Oaks, from Istanbul to Ithaca.

    But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, particularly as my only offspring spends five months more than 5,000 miles away, nothing can or ever will replace talking face to face. Unless you’re face-to-face with a loved one, you can’t look him or her in the eye and really make eye contact. You can’t reach out and put your hand on your son’s shoulder, or give your wife a heartfelt hug.

    No matter how advanced our ability to communicate, there will never be any substitute for actually being with a person you love. Technology is awesome, and it keeps us closer to the people who matter the most. But reaching out and touching someone you love really can only be accomplished in person.

    So put down your iPhones, stop texting and hug somebody for crying out loud. It beats talking to yourself and walking into the flow of traffic.

    Posted on March 16, 2010, to:

  • Embrace the gamut of emotions bestowed upon us

    All right, keep this to yourselves. Don’t tell anyone. This is our little secret.

    There is only one network television show that I watch.

    “American Idol.”

    Shhhh. That’s just between you and me. Nobody else knows.

    Actually, when I reveal this to people, particularly men, they make a face that is best described as disdain. The initial reaction is followed by a snort or a grunt, clearly indicating that I must have some defective male gene if I tune in to Simon Cowell’s cynical, mean-spirited diatribes directed at aspiring singers.

    I am a sportswriter, after all. I should be watching that critical February college basketball clash between Gardner-Webb and Charleston Southern, or perhaps the important inter-conference hockey battle between the Vancouver Canucks and Columbus Blue Jackets.

    Nothing against the Bulldogs (Gardner-Webb), the Bucs (Charleston Southern), the Canucks or the Blue Jackets, but I find the competition on “American Idol” more compelling, particularly since a February basketball game between Gardner-Webb and Charleston is a Big South Conference regular season game.

    Checking the score the next day will suffice. Not checking the score the next day likely won’t leave a void in my life either.

    I watch “American Idol” for its competitiveness, my appreciation for quality music and, quite frankly, an appreciation for sheer elation. “American Idol” is like a sporting event from a competitive standpoint, so that provides a flavor of athletic conflict upon which I thrive. Music is an ever-present component in my life. I appreciate a quality singing voice and the ability to sing well in a competitive situation.

    But what really draws me to it is the elation, the celebrations among participants and families after they’ve been selected for a spot in a Hollywood tryout, signified by the golden ticket.

    Have you ever seen one of these celebrations? It is sheer joy, total elation, unbridled happiness.

    For many, it is a dream come true, a fulfillment of a long-held goal, or even an escape from an unsatisfactory life. Tears are shed, babies are hugged, and the families mug for the cameras to show just how thrilled they are. It is the epitome of joy.

    It reminds me of my daydreams growing up. As an athlete, I fantasized about hitting the game-winning shot or driving in the game-winning run. Getting mobbed by your teammates is the ultimate experience for an athlete.

    I’ve also had the incredible privilege of watching the high school baseball players that I coach form a pile of celebrating humanity in the middle of the infield when we won the semi-state to advance to the state title. These are indelible images in my mind.

    Having those emotions of joy and expressing them are gifts from God. I’ve always said — half jokingly, half serious — that I don’t trust stoic people. I don’t really mean that. Stoic people are good people too, and certainly during a majority of our lives, staying on an even keel is the correct emotion to choose. But I would be a lost soul without the ability to express elation.

    It’s always bugged me when people criticize those who thank God after a big victory. They say, “God doesn’t care who wins.” I won’t dispute that, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be thankful for the blessing God has bestowed on us. Those who genuinely make the sign of the cross or look to the heavens after a big play or a big victory simply are saying, “I am blessed, I appreciate the blessing, thank you for the blessing.”

    Now the flip side of elation, of course, is utter devastation. While I would never wish despair upon another human being, the fact of the matter is that in life, particularly when we have lost a loved one, we experience the exact opposite of elation. That emotion is a gift from God as well.

    We hope to limit the frequency of devastation during our time on earth, but it is a part of life and we must find a way to pick ourselves up, rise above it and move on. We often find an inner strength, a determination or a level of motivation that we might not have tapped into had we not experienced the extreme downside of life.

    The reality is that there is more devastation felt on “American Idol” than there is elation. Careful editing makes sure that we see an ample amount of both.
    In real life, just like in the competitive cocoon of a show like “American Idol,” we run the gamut of emotions. God gave us those emotions. Use them, learn from them, build a better you from them, and above all, be thankful for them.

    Life is like a rollercoaster. Hold on tight, roll with the ups and downs, and enjoy the moment that God has provided for you. We are auditioning for something much more important than a trip to Hollywood.

    Posted on February 17, 2010, to:

  • Time to start savoring the time we have

    It begins at an early age, quite possibly on a family vacation in which an automobile is the mode of transportation.

    An hour slips by, two hours, three. … Okay, now the novelty of this exciting family excursion gives way to the desire to arrive at the destination.
    “Are we there yet? How much longer? I can’t wait until …”

    Isn’t that the mantra of most Americans? I can’t wait until … We just can’t wait. Of course, we can and we do wait. But we claim we can’t wait until a certain amount of time has passed before we get to the good stuff, the real fun in life.

    We can’t wait until the semester is over to get to Christmas vacation. We can’t wait until we graduate from high school so we can go to college. We can’t wait to graduate from college so we can earn some money. We can’t wait until 5 p.m. Friday so we can enjoy the weekend.
    In other words, we spend a good portion of our lives wishing time away.

    Think about that. We ride the roller coaster of life, measuring discomfort and pleasure based upon the comparative fun/drudgery of each of life’s events. Mondays are bad; Saturdays are good. Mondays can wait; Saturdays can’t.

    Now this is completely natural and normal. We’ve all probably done it to some extent, some more than others. It’s natural to look forward to the more enjoyable things in life.

    But as I grow older, I find myself doing this less and less, or at least trying to do this less and less. I don’t want to wish away January and February, even though northern Indiana weather the first two months of the year can be uncomfortable. The snow is beautiful. I love building fires in the fireplace. I don’t care for sliding into a ditch with my car, but if I slow down, it’s less likely to happen.

    When your child is an infant and is waking up for a 3 a.m. feeding, you can’t wait until he’s older so he will sleep through the night. The next thing you know, you’re dropping him off for the start of first grade. Then he’s learning how to drive.

    When my son was young and I was coaching him in baseball, I couldn’t wait until he was older because the older he got, the better he played. So the passing of time was a good thing.

    Then one day, he came to bat in the sectional championship game of his senior year, and as I stood in the third base coach’s box, it hit me. Here I was wishing for time to pass in his baseball playing days, and now, trailing six runs in the last inning — unless he was about to hit a six-run homer — my son was coming to bat for me for the last time.

    Suddenly, I could wait, and I asked the umpire for time so I could savor the moment with my son just a little longer.

    Now, he’s a junior at Notre Dame. He will spend this semester in Athens, Greece. He is thrilled about spending five months abroad. He’s already been to Dublin and London. He will spend Easter in Rome. My wife and I are thrilled for him, and thankful to God for our many blessings.

    Now here I am again, selfishly wishing away time. We can communicate with him. We can check on him frequently, and he’ll contact us. We want the best for him and that’s where he wants to be. But as I write this, I know he won’t be returning home for another 130 days. Not that I’m counting or anything.

    We need to fight the temptation to wish away time because after all, our time on this earth is always running out. Wouldn’t it make more sense if we experienced our time on this earth instead of enduring it?

    Everyone needs to take a break from the more strenuous times. But wouldn’t it be better if we rode through life’s ups and downs and enjoyed the ride instead of wishing it away?

    If every day were a holiday, those free times wouldn’t be nearly as enjoyable. We would take them for granted. Hectic can be good, too. It means we are alive, that we’re needed, that our actions as they pertain to the people we interact with carry some importance.

    Besides, after this life, we will have all kinds of time, and if we play our cards right now, it will be the most enjoyable time imaginable. We will have an eternity without Mondays or Saturdays. There will be no days or time or any kind of demarcation from one moment to the next. Time will disappear.
    In fact, time disappears all too quickly on earth as it is, even when we’re not wishing it away. Why speed up the process?

    So I will try to avoid looking at the calendar every day, counting the days until my son returns home. I will try to live that day to the fullest, rolling with the punches and taking the time to step back, express thanks for my blessings, and then move on to the next moment in time.
    You want to save time? Try savoring it.

    Posted on January 26, 2010, to: