Sister Margie Lavonis, CSC

  • Living with a grateful heart

    Many years ago a missionary friend of mine told me about a beautiful tradition practiced by the people who live in Uganda, East Africa. From a very young age children are taught to live with grateful hearts. The word they use is “webali,” which is an expression of gratitude for all God’s gifts no matter how seemingly insignificant.

    For example, any time a person goes to another’s home, the host thanks that person for taking the time out of his day to visit and the guest thanks the host for welcoming him into his home. Or if someone has a conversation with another, that person thanks her for taking the time to speak and listen to her. The Ugandan people express their gratitude for every human act of kindness no matter how big or small. It has become part of their culture.

    When I heard about this life of appreciation and gratitude it left quite an impression on me. I believe we can learn a lot from our Ugandan brothers and sisters.

    It can be so easy to take our gifts for granted. I know I am sometimes guilty of this. I expect the heat to work when it is cold, that I will have the food I need when I am hungry and I will have health care when I need it. There are so many things in life I just expect and do not recognize as gifts.

    It would be good for each of us to develop an attitude of thanksgiving and gratitude. One way we can do this is to spend some quiet time reflecting upon all God has given us; especially those things we often take for granted or just expect.

    Why wait until we meet a blind or deaf person to thank God for our gifts of sight and hearing. Or, after we lose a parent, sibling, close friend or relative, we realize we are reminded to be thankful for our families and friends.

    Then there are those who serve us to whom we often neglect to express our thanks and appreciation. I think of people like the waitresses we encounter when we go out to eat or the cashier who waits on us when we shop. Others might be the secretary or cleaning man at work.

    Maybe we never even think about thanking the teachers who educate us, or our parents who pay our tuition. We also need to thank people who give us gifts, invite us to their homes or go out of their way to be kind to us. Perhaps we have an attitude of entitlement rather than gratitude.

    A good prayerful reflection I have found helpful is to take some quiet time to thank God for the people, living or dead, for whom I am grateful and, when possible, to express my thanks to them. I find that writing them a real letter, not e-mail, is an effective way to do this. In fact I have even written in my journal to those who have died. After all, they are part of the communion of saints.

    Finally, the Mass is the ultimate offering of thanksgiving to God. When we celebrate the

    Eucharist we give thanks for the greatest gift of all, Jesus Christ, the Son of God.

    Eucharist means thanksgiving.

    Let us live as Eucharistic people and, like the Ugandans, let thanksgiving become an attitude in our hearts and a way of life. Let us appreciate all that we have while we have it and not take people and our other gifts for granted.

    Posted on November 21, 2011, to:

  • Our many losses

    When asked to reflect on the losses we have experienced, many of us think of the deaths of people we love. It is true that the death of someone close to us is a major loss, but there are other losses we may not even think about that need to be grieved.

    This topic of loss is very real to me these days. In 2003 I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and fortunately it affected my life very little until recently. After shoulder surgery last spring I began to have new symptoms. Things I took for granted, like walking and singing, etc., became difficult. I felt as if I had aged 20 years. I lost the ability to do things that were ordinarily easy for me. I had one loss after another and became so sick that I would not have minded if the Lord had taken me. Luckily, with the many prayers of community and friends, the grace of God and a good physician, I have improved a great deal but need to accept that I will experience many more losses in the future.

    This experience reminded me of an excellent book by Judith Voigt titled “Necessary Losses.” She focuses on the human need to grieve the losses we experience in our lives in order to become whole persons. In her book she points out the tendency of many people not to reflect on how these experiences have affected their lives. Many of us live in the fast lane and rarely stop long enough to grieve and work through the pain these losses often cause.

    Losses can be large or small. Death, divorce, moving, losing a job, breaking off with someone we love are obvious losses. Even changing schools or parishes or the death of a pet are losses. So too is not being able to do things we once did because of poor health or aging.

    Some smaller, but not insignificant, losses might be not getting picked for the sports team or the school play or not being asked to the prom or to someone’s birthday party. All of these things can cause pain in varying degrees.

    As happy as graduation is for most students, it is also a loss. It means letting go of the familiar and facing a new situation, whether it is a new school or a new job. High school is different from elementary school, college is different from high school and life in the workplace is not like that of a college student.

    Transition takes energy and is not always easy — actually, it never is. Letting go is hard. It just doesn’t happen overnight. It is a process that takes time and can be very stressful. Ignoring our losses can wear us down. If we don’t grieve well we can never really let go and enter fully into the new phase of our lives.

    When we do not grieve our losses we can get stuck in the past and never move ahead. An example would be the first-year student in college who always talks about what she used to do in her high school or the new employee who is always comparing his new job with the one he just left. This is normal when someone is in transition, but it can be unhealthy when it goes on and on because the person can never enter fully into the present. When people neglect their losses and refuse to give up the past they can’t move on with their lives.

    Sister Joyce Rupp wrote a book entitled, “Praying Our Goodbyes.” It always reminds me about how important it is to ritualize our losses and to bring God into these situations. In fact, we don’t have to bring God into any part of our lives; we just have to remember that God is already with us in all of our losses and transitions and will continue to be with us, loving us at every moment, in whatever new situation we find ourselves.

    As I deal with the progressive nature of Parkinson’s and the resulting losses, especially my independence and having to give up some of my favorite activities, I pray that I continue to trust in the Lord and my faith will remain strong.

    Posted on November 9, 2011, to:

  • Redemptive suffering

    It is not easy to block out the multiple cries of pain and suffering that permeate the world. It is almost deafening. All one has to do is turn on the radio, read the newspaper, watch television or go online. We are bombarded with news of pain and suffering, almost to the saturation point. I think of the people in Libya, Haiti, Japan and others affected by war and natural disasters. It gives me an overwhelming feeling.

    A couple of years ago I attended several lectures on the martyrs of El Salvador who were killed during a civil war that took place there in the 1970s and 1980s. Archbishop Oscar Romero, four women missionaries and several Jesuits — only to name a few of hundreds of people — were brutally murdered because they spoke out against the intense suffering of the Salvadoran people and a system of government that perpetuated it.

    The poor still suffer there and around the world, including in our own country. However, suffering is not limited to the poor. Who of us cannot look around and find suffering in our own life or in the lives of those who touch ours? No one is spared.

    Everyday we hear of people diagnosed with fatal illnesses that change their lives or people who are out of work for a long time and become desperate to support their families. We know of families broken by divorce and those who experience the sudden death of loved ones. So many are bearing difficult crosses.

    In the light of all this pain the question is often asked that if God really loves us, why does He allow all these good people to suffer? It reminds me of the book I read several years ago. It is called “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” and was written by a Jewish rabbi. At first I wondered why he didn’t call his book “Why bad things happen to good people.” I have since come to the conclusion it is because we don’t know the reason why. All we know is that God allows suffering to exist in the world. He permits it but He doesn’t make it happen. And He doesn’t use it to punish us.

    Suffering is a deep mystery of life. Although we may not feel it at the time, what our faith tells us about suffering is that God never abandons us in it. With all suffering, there eventually comes a resurrection. That is the Paschal Mystery. It is a central doctrine of our faith. Jesus suffered, died and rose. We, too, live that mystery in our own lives in big and in small ways. To suffer is part of being a Christian. It is not easy, but God is with us just as He was with Jesus during His life on this earth.

    As Catholics we believe that suffering is redemptive. We are called to unite our suffering with that of Christ’s. Suffering can embitter us or it can transform us. There are people who have suffered greatly who are very holy, caring, compassionate people and then there are others whose suffering has turned them into bitter, resentful people.

    We have little power over most suffering, our own and others, but we do have control over how we let it affect our lives. Experiencing a hurt or loss can enable us to be more compassionate and loving to others in similar circumstances.

    And there is some suffering we can control. That is the suffering we inflict upon other people. It might become a good habit to reflect upon each day to see if we have caused anyone to suffer or, if we have suffered, to unite our suffering with Christ’s and ask Him to help us to allow our pain to make us more sensitive and loving persons.

    As Jesus lived the Paschal Mystery, we, His followers, are called to do the same.

    Posted on March 30, 2011, to:

  • A sobering thought

    There was a reflection question in one of my spiritual reading books a few months ago that I have pondered off and on ever since. The author asked, “What would happen to you if God decided to take back all his gifts that you neglected to thank Him for?”

    That is a sobering thought! Imagine if God made a declaration that He would give us a week to decide for what in our lives we want to thank Him and he would take back all his other gifts. Further imagine that God made it even more difficult and told us we had to limit our choices to 10 things. No doubt, whatever we would choose would tell us a lot about our values and what is really important to us.

    As I reflect on this I guess the first thing I would give thanks for is the fundamental gift of life itself. It is so easy to take our lives for granted. That comes home to me every time I hear about a sudden or unexpected death, like a vivacious, fun-loving friend of mine who suddenly dropped dead recently. I could also have been aborted by my mother and never had a chance to live.

    My family would also be included on my list. There are so many abandoned and abused children in the world. To have a loving and supportive family is truly a gift for which I am grateful. And as I write this I remind myself how important it is to express my gratitude to the members.

    Another valued gift for me would be the family of Holy Cross. My religious vocation and my community are precious to me. I have been touched in numerous ways by my sisters. My vocation has also given me the opportunity to do many things and to serve many wonderful people. I guess this is part of the “hundredfold” that Jesus spoke about.

    Friends would be high on my list. God has blessed me with special people in my life and I cannot imagine what it would be like not to be close to anyone. We all need intimacy no matter what walk of life. Without loving relationships we cannot fully develop.

    My faith is also a valued gift. As I have written before, I cannot even begin to imagine what my life would be like if I did not believe in God. I would be overwhelmed by the troubles of our world if I did not trust and hope in Jesus. He is my rock and foundation. I can count on His love no matter what!

    I am also grateful for my education and the many opportunities I have had, and continue to have, to develop my mind. The ability to learn is also part of this gift. Sometimes when we are young we don’t fully appreciate school but education is a very valuable gift that not everyone has — one that many waste or take for granted.

    Life in a democracy and the freedoms that come with it is a gift I value. The United States has many flaws and is not the perfect society, but I’d never want to live anywhere else. Our country has been blessed and has a responsibility to share our abundance with others.
    Another gift I cherish is the ability to serve others. I think of those who are out of work, have jobs that they hate or unable to work at all. For the most part I have loved every ministry I have ever been in. That is truly a gift to thank God for.

    I would also thank God that I enjoy the basic necessities of life and more. There are millions around the world who lack food and shelter. When I was little I used to wonder what my life would be like if I were born in one of the poor countries of the world. Sometimes we can take for granted all that we have and forget that we really are a minority. The haves are fewer than the have-nots and ironically many are happier than we are.

    Last, but not least, I would thank God for my health, the fact that I can see, hear, speak, talk, walk, etc. Every time I meet someone who is physically challenged I thank God and ask for the grace to bear whatever will happen to me in my life.

    There are many other gifts that God has showered on me but I could live without them if I had to do so, but I would surely miss my top ten!

    It is good to recall every now and then that all that we have comes from the generous love of our God and God deserves our thanks and praise. Don’t wait until Thanksgiving to let God know what you appreciate in life. Thank Him often.

    Posted on November 10, 2010, to:

  • Say it like you mean it

    Let me tell you about something that continues to concern me, although I don’t lose sleep over it. It is about our often-weak response or failure to respond to the prayers of the Mass. (This concern probably comes from my liturgy coordinator hat.) I often wonder how many Catholics really know the significance of saying “Amen” at the end of liturgical prayers and especially when receiving the Eucharist. 

    This was brought home to me again recently when I had the occasion to serve as an extraordinary minister of the Eucharist. Many people came up to receive Communion and looked at me like they didn’t know what to respond when I said, “The body of Christ.” Some said nothing. Others said “Thank you” or words similar to that. Still others gave a weak “Amen.”

    By now you might think I am being too picky, but it is very important to respond when we receive Communion and at other times during the Mass. When the priest or Eucharistic minister presents us with Holy Communion, our “Amen” is a public declaration that we believe that this bread and wine are truly the Body and Blood of the Lord, not just symbols of His presence. It is a statement of our faith in Christ and what our faith teaches.

    When I served as a campus minister at a large university, students who brought friends to Mass at the Student Center often asked me why the Church did not want other Christians to receive the Eucharist, even though some truly believed in the real presence in the Sacrament. I tried to explain that when we receive Holy Communion we not only receive the Body and Blood of the Lord but it is also a statement of our belief in what the Catholic Church teaches. It is a sign of our unity as Catholics. This is why those preparing to become members do not partake of the Eucharist until they are received into the Church.

    Our “Amen” is a statement of our faith. Any time we say “Amen” at the end of prayers or when receiving the sacraments we proclaim that we believe what is said or done. It is important to respond with some enthusiasm. 

    Each time we receive Christ in the Eucharist we are given another opportunity to proclaim our faith in a public way. Hopefully, understanding the meaning of all our actions during the celebration of Mass will help us become more conscious of what we do and why we do it. This awareness can prevent us from falling into the trap of just going through the motions of the liturgy and the Mass.

    The Mass is the central and most important prayer of the Church. It is good to take some time to reflect on what we do each Sunday when we come together to celebrate the Eucharist. 

    Posted on October 13, 2010, to: