Sister Margie Lavonis, CSC

  • What do you really value in life?

    Recently I was in a faith-sharing group where the participants were asked to share our most important values. Have you ever been asked to articulate your deepest values? It is something to think about.

    There is an old saying that we should “put your money where your mouth is.” Another one tells us to “practice what we preach.” Often we say we value certain things, but in reality our actions say otherwise. I remember a retreat director saying one time that you can usually tell what you really value by how you spend your money and the bulk of your time.

    An example is that many people claim to value prayer but they are so busy and don’t have enough time. On the other hand, when the weekend rolls around or they have a day off, they often don’t spend any more time with the Lord than when they are working or studying.

    This holds true for persons who say they value friendship or family and yet rarely spend a few hours of quality time with those they love. I know a married deacon who was responsible for the Family Life Committee of a particular parish where I ministered. He and his wife spent so much time doing things in the parish that he was rarely home with his children. Consequently, several of them ended up in trouble and with serious problems from lack of parental attention. If you asked him, he would claim to be a family man, but his behavior proved otherwise.

    It is so easy to say we have certain values but our lives don’t always reflect them. We can say our faith and the Holy Eucharist are important to us and yet go on a vacation with friends and miss Mass because we didn’t want to inconvenience them.

    Another example is to call good health a value, but skip meals, eat poorly and get little exercise. Recently, I came to the conclusion that if exercise really is a value in my life, I wouldn’t avoid it so much, especially because it helps people with Parkinson’s disease.

    You can also discover your values by regularly reflecting on your daily life. I like to take a little time each day to review how I lived the last 24 hours. I ask myself questions about what I did or did not do, and how I spent my time and energy. Some of the following questions may help you in your own reflection:

    Do I value friendship and relationships? Look at your life. Who are your true friends? Do you connect with them frequently? Will they stick by you in the good times and the bad? Are there people for whom you would do the same?

    Do I value my faith? When did you last spend regular time with Jesus in prayer or go on a retreat?

    Is family a value for me? When is the last time you really spent quality time with your family or wrote someone far away a letter or made a call?

    The list goes on and on. What we really value in our lives must be translated into action.

    It is in reflecting upon our actions and where we spend our time and energy, that we  discover what we really value. You might be surprised.

    Posted on May 21, 2013, to:

  • Prayer need not be hard

    There are literally hundreds of books written on prayer and how to pray. Lots of people spend more time reading and buying the latest books about prayer than actually praying. Why do you suppose that is? The people buying these books obviously see prayer as a value but apparently find it difficult.

    Recently, I received an insight on this matter of prayer and why we value it, while at same time we seem to avoid it. A reason could be that many of us still operate out of the Greek understanding that the human person is made up of a body and a soul. We tend to divide our lives into two categories, spiritual life and our normal life. We tend to see our spiritual life as separate from our everyday life and fail to integrate them. We “work on” our prayer life as if it were divorced from the rest of our lives.

    For too many people prayer is often seen as an obligation or “putting in our time” with God? Imagine a woman who gives her husband 15 minutes a day of her time and spends a lot of it complaining or thinking of all she has to do. If this is the only time they give each other, their relationship would be pretty shallow and unfulfilled.

    I think this often happens in our relationship with God. We try to carve out some time for Him, successfully or unsuccessfully, during our day and then often do not think about God again until we are in church or at our next prayer period.

    Prayer is meant to nourish our relationship with God and not be limited to a time or place. Think of how you nurture your other significant relationships. One thing you probably don’t do is read to them words already prepared.

    To develop a good relationship with someone we must spend time with that person and share about our lives, our joy and pain, our hopes and dreams. We talk about what is happening in each one’s life and our thoughts of that other person are not limited to our physical presence.

    Why should our relationship with God be that much different? Why do we try all kinds of prayer methods? Somehow we often look at the saints and measure our prayer by theirs. We fail to recognize that much of their prayer was conversation with God. They made God the center of their lives. Many times our prayer becomes monotonous or boring so we give up. It doesn’t have to be that way. Set a realistic amount of time for prayer each day and use it to share with God the ordinariness of our lives, including our thoughts and feelings. It is our time to be honest with God. God is always with us.

    Posted on February 19, 2013, to:

  • Are you listening?

    We all must discover God’s call, His plan for our lives. It is a great responsibility. We all go through this discovery in one way or another.

    Each of us has a unique call — one only we can answer. Discovering our primary call from God isn’t easy. Unfortunately no one can do it for us. It takes hard work to find out the best way to live out our Christian lives. It takes prayer and reflection that includes serious discernment.

    When I did campus and vocation ministry, often I was asked how a person gets to know God’s will for his or her life. There are no easy answers, but there are some things that can help us discover where God might be leading us.

    First and foremost, it is important to remember that God calls everyone. You have a vocation. You received your most important call at Baptism. In that primary sacrament of our faith, you became members of Christ’s body, the Church and were called to help bring about the reign of God in this world. It is not just a role reserved for religious brothers and sisters or ordained ministers. Through Baptism each Christian shares in the priesthood of Jesus Christ and in His mission to reveal God’s love to the world. The challenge is to discern, or to figure out, how God wants you to help carry out His mission and to best use the gifts He has given you.

    The majority of Christians have a vocation to the sacrament of Marriage. They have a call to marriage and parenthood. Others are called by God to live the single, ordained or consecrated life as a religious brother or sister.

    One of the best ways to discover what God asks of you is for you to listen to the deepest desire of your heart. For instance, most persons have a deep longing to share their lives with one special person and to raise a family. Others have a passion to give their entire lives to the Lord through prayer, community and service. Some are conflicted. They feel a pull between Marriage and a Church vocation. (Actually many of the same qualities are needed in both vocations.)

    There are many ways God’s call is revealed. One primary way is through prayer, taking quality time to actively listen to God. Another way is to seriously take notice of what other significant people say to you. For example, maybe several people have asked you if you have ever considered priesthood or religious life, or observed that you would make a wonderful mother or father. Very often those comments plant seeds or confirm what you might already have been thinking and you should take them seriously.

    In high school one of the teachers asked me what my plans were after graduation. She suggested I consider religious life. At first it was a shock, but then I began to seriously reflect and pray about that possibility. And here I am many years later. I often wonder what my life would be like today had I just ignored her or didn’t really believe it was a possibility for me.

    There are some things you can do to make the good choice. One way to start is to list the pros and cons of each option, pray about them and listen to the ones that speak to you the most and give you a clear sense of peace. During a class in graduate school at Boston College I remember one of my professors saying that the deepest desire of our hearts is usually God’s will for our lives. Listen to what your heart tells you.

    Finally, once I saw a videotape about community life that I have always remembered. The presenter offered this advice: She said the key to discovering your vocation in life is to discern which lifestyle will make you happy, healthy and holy. To be happy really means having inner joy and peace. A spiritually healthy life is one that enables you to use your gifts and gives you the desire to grow into the person God wants you to be. A holy life is one that gives God a primary place in your life.

    My prayer for each of us is that we will discover our best way to live happy, healthy and holy Christian lives as we strive to live the Gospel.

    Posted on January 22, 2013, to:

  • Remember Jesus?

    I am not a Scrooge, but all the activity during this time of year depresses me. People are running around frantically buying things they often do not need or cannot afford. Stores play Christmas carols even before the Halloween decorations are taken down, and lots of people put up their Christmas trees before the turkey is cooked on Thanksgiving. The malls are crowded and some people will actually get up at four in the morning to stand in long lines for Christmas specials. And you probably can give other examples. I want to tell them whose birthday it really is and why we celebrate.

    Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not against Christmas or gift-giving. Gifts are important expressions of appreciation and love. However, trying to outdo one another or giving gifts only because someone else is giving them to us seems ridiculous.

    You might wonder what you could possibly do to turn the tide. Every year I ask myself the same thing. The following are a few suggestions that might help us all.

    Examine your gift giving. Think of those who are on your Christmas list and why you give them gifts. Maybe you do it because you feel obliged or have always done so. Hopefully your giving is out of love and that more is not better than less.

    Reinforce with your family, especially your children and grandchildren, that the joy of Christmas does not depend on how many or what gifts we receive or give. Suggest to your children that gifts don’t always have to be things. They can give the special gift of service, like giving a card with a promise to shovel the person’s driveway and sidewalks this winter or offer a couple with little children some days of free babysitting. Let them use their imaginations. Emphasize that their time can also be a precious gift.

    Gifts also can be made. Giving baked Christmas goodies or homemade candy is appreciated by all. It is very special when someone takes the time to make something delicious to give to you.

    Send Christmas cards to people who live far away and won’t see during the holidays. Share the gift of your time by letting friends know what has happened in your life. It seems a waste of paper and postage to just sign your name. Also, remember that the Church’s Christmas season goes far beyond Dec. 25, so cards don’t have to make it to them by Christmas day.

    Changing our materialistic way of celebrating Christmas will not happen overnight, but each of us can do our part to bring into focus whose birthday we celebrate. It also will help us to more appreciate the meaning of Advent and relieve a lot of stress so we can truly enjoy this beautiful season of preparation for the birth of Jesus, not primarily Santa.

    Posted on January 2, 2013, to:

  • Graduation … What next?

    “I am called. I am called. I am called on a mission to love and serve the Lord.” These words, from the theme song of a conference on vocations, strike me as good ones for all of us, especially graduating students.

    Several weeks ago I saw one of the seniors at our college visiting one of our senior sisters. I asked her if she were counting the days until graduation? After a pensive pause, she said she did not even want to think about it.

    Have you ever felt as if one of your feet was in one world and the other in another? During the last days of the academic year, many students about to graduate can relate to this. The anxiety of graduating for college students, and even some high school seniors, is almost palpable. When I walk around campuses I can often pick out the seniors by the look on their faces. Most traditional students have lived in the secure, sheltered world of education and family. Thoughts of getting a job, being on one’s own and having to go into the “real world” can be extremely scary.

    However, one does not have to be a college student to experience transition. Most of us have been through the difficult stage of being “in between” things. Life is filled with transitions, some major and others minor. We experience it when we lose a job, get married or prepare to move to a new and unfamiliar location, etc.

    This stage between endings and beginnings can be very uncomfortable. Even so, it is a necessary part of life. Every transition is an ending that prepares the ground for new growth in our lives. Change is an integral part of everyone’s life. Try as some people may, it cannot be avoided.

    Letting go of the familiar is rarely easy. Our tendency is to hang on to what we already know. It gives us a sense of security. Some people try to avoid major change, like the perpetual students who continually work on one degree after another and delay starting a career. I am often tempted to tell them to “get a life!”

    William Bridges, who wrote several books on transitions, gives some points of advice to help people through this difficult stage. First of all, he advises that we take our time. No rational person expects you to have a 40-hour a week, well-paying job in your field the week after graduation.

    Another important suggestion is not to act for the sake of action. Reflect on what is meaningful to you. What are your goals and dreams? This requires discernment and prayer. Call upon God to show you the way. This is crucial for anyone who has to make a major decision.

    Also note that good closure is important. Starting something new requires letting go of the previous situation. Be patient. It is a process and doesn’t happen immediately. It is like when someone leaves high school and begins college. For the first few months the person, often refers to how things were done in their old school. I remember leaving a parish that I loved. In my new place I frequently caught myself saying what we did there. Finally, with the help of friends and my own realization, I had to come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t at my former job anymore and I had to let go so I could really begin my new ministry.

    It helps to take the time needed to say your goodbyes to fellow students, faculty and all your favorite places on the campus. A suggestion is to sit and reflect on significant events and people who have touched your life. But it is important to remember that you and your fellow students are beginning a new stage in your lives.

    Recognize that it is uncomfortable and even painful during times of major transition and that you must take care of yourself in little ways. Don’t look for a job day and night. Take a vacation. Have some fun. Volunteer your time to a worthy cause. Once you land a full time job or get married your time won’t be completely your own.

    Finally, find someone to talk to. Choose a person who will listen with an empathetic ear. We all need spiritual guides, but especially when we are going through significant changes in our lives. Don’t try to go through it alone.

    And above all else, remember that God has a mission for you and your major task in life right now is to discover how you are going to best carry out that mission. You can make all the money in the world but you will be very poor if you do not answer the call to love and serve the Lord. At our final transition in life Jesus is not going to ask us how much we acquired while on earth or how popular we were. We will be asked how well we loved.

    Posted on May 30, 2012, to: